...softly, softly...

  PRACTICE GRATITUDE, CHECK YOUR MINDSET, ACCEPTANCE.

These are the three things that I have taken from 21 quick actions to simplify your life.
 

I have decided that instead of feeling hopeless and helpless in my 'dead calm' life situation that I shall embrace this static period and make the most of it.

I listened to a 'pogpast' yesterday from slow your home and the interview was with a girl in Canada, Morgan, who also lives an intentional life and offers monthly insights on her own blog the simple life project .  I found it very comforting to listen to.  It felt like having a cuppa with good friends. 

As a result of that comfort I decided to 'change my mind' and felt a calmness and contentment with that choice wash over me. 

My last post was pretty low and grim, and that is okay.  That is what I was feeling and I can accept that.  There is only one me and if I can't appreciate myself for who I am, then how can I expect others to?  I can make this a good life and changing my mind to achieve that is a good start.

Here's to a bright and happy future!  One day at a time. :) 

hard

Its groundhog day!

I feel like Bill Murray waking up to the same song on the radio, over and over again.  If only I was waking up to a nice room in a nice town and robbing a bank so money wasn't an obstacle... if only!

Instead, I wake up to a messy room in an ugly, falling-apart house, with no light at the end of our dark financial tunnel, and feel like crap!

I am struggling to get on top of my medication to feel vaguely 'normal' again.  This last year has been a complete write-off for me.  My mental health is generally quite low, after a period of a month when it was very terrible... new month, new medication.

Waking up and wishing I hadn't, with no motivation to get out of bed, but eventually getting up after hitting the snooze button five times.  Helping get the lunches packed and the kids ready for school.  Then having no goals or enthusiasm to do anything til the kids get home and wonder where the day went.  Screens til showers and dinner time and then more screens til sleep.  Repeat.

Not good.  

Pinterest is turned to daily so I can see there is beauty in the world and maybe start to build some kind of plan to healing.  

There are many ideas out there, good ideas.  I just can't seem to find ones that fit me or to make them work for me.  Inspiration is not so inspiring... and I am not sure how to reignite my spark. 

screens.

People are having babies.  As much as I would love to have more babies I can't justify having another of my own because I struggle to look after and engage with the precious two I already have.  

I am not providing them with the childhood they deserve and it breaks my heart.  So I sit here desperately wanting to change but being cripplingly paralyzed mentally, nothing changes. 

Mr G is undergoing some extensive dental work recently as he has been loosing teeth due to a loss in bone density in his jaw.  So although he has finished his enrolled nursing course, he has not started working.  I am also not working, therefore, we are still $100 per week below the poverty line.

We are getting married in October.  I don't know how we are going to do it.  Obviously our budget is minuscule.  Small scale, nothing fancy.  I was counting on G working when I set the date last year, and I can't change it now because most of our guests are coming from interstate and overseas and have started organising their flights and accommodation.  Creativity will be needed to pull it off and that is exactly what I am lacking.

Is ten years of hardship normal?  I wish we had someone to look out for our struggling little family.